Making sense of Ocampo!

Having an opinion about some thing is not having the right answers to it……
It’s not canceling other ideas
It is not thinking you have the best idea…….
It’s simply an opinion…….and here is mine…..
I know it will not reach you Mr Ocampo
Not now, not in a life time, never!
That doesn’t stop me…..! I will still blow it out onto my blog..Those who care will read it…………
I have been trying all week
To make sense of your actions Moreno Ocampo(Cute name!)
So much that I have decided you are so cool and I shall not look at the silly things….( You just did…..? made of your self?)
May be none of the two
Depending on how I end up looking at this situation( in the end).
Does Bashir have? Not have? the immunity provided by international law to state heads?
It is Africa….isnt it always?......this is when the security council becomes as relevant to support your “cause”
Go on glue agreements onto a country’s soul and declare them one of your subjects…..
And who said you are not God himself (ICC)
If you have hands on Pinochet,Slobadan,Taylor then who is Kony,Bush and who is that other guy of the central republic and congo.
You can have them too………….
You are mighty…in a day you can render every country’s judicial system powerless. Useless….wow and now we shall be suing in the hague!

Blaah...blah...blah..ahh!

Its been a week and there has been these two conversations I have decided to throw out……officially on my list of what I am going to talk about with my galz,my geek,prof and all the others, I am talking those who force them selves in my face……with endless greetings…
Goooooooood morning…I said goodmorning…Kcarlorol……exactly! Thats how he pronounces my name that labelled journalist( definitely because he sticks around the news room) down stairs .Any how I was still going on about these two people or better still these words Mugabe and Obama ,yes,they have been Banned( don’t dare try to open any argument its closed!).These two words or people( call them what you like! Like they would change your situation)one for being that mistake of a human( cnt explain why I am calling him this because I don’t even get what his about,he acts mad….in my head I have decided he needs to get help) the other for becoming that person I have always wanted to be…..he stole my place…( you must be kiddin me)
Is any one getting what I am going on about?
Any how this here is my frustration,I have many frustrations lately but I have decided to pick on this particular one……
All you Ugandans who discuss American politics( which you don’t get any way) and all you informed,mis-informed and totally ignorant group that’s trying to justify Mugabe’s(what?) yes exactly…they don’t even know what they talk about.where were you 5 years ago when the world started this journey of making famous the devil himself…..Mr M I don’t get what you or your country are about….all I know right now is that you have robbed me of my peaceful, cute conversation……
I am not sure I should even be blogging about you
…..yes and I was still going on about these one day old “intellectuals” those that think they can inform me…comment about every thing and yes the taxi….has become a ground for intellectual debate,……ummmh!
Obama………..OBAMAAAAAAAAA!......who the hell is this guy….Is he Kenyan,luo,American..what? like i care…..all I know right now is that I cant afford the air ticket I was supposed to buy( on tht money tht I kept for this purpose until I lost a passport..paid fines,swore affidavidits…en yes now I have passports and no ticket…I wonder what would have been better…………
I even just found out this my loser is getting married………..! he didn’t tell me……Am I supposed to be heart…hurt…broken?.....That in my world doesn’t exist.Love phobic they say I am…….! May be I am…..i believed it \ until…….i started being apart of this confusing confusion I have commited my life to..he he!.........wake up Carole!.....dnt worry it was only a dream.
I am frustrated….sad…..confused….this is what I do when I don’t know what to do……………..i have multiple conversations in my head….-I talk to the little girl in me…………today she is crying…dropping tears on my feet..t shirt..bed sheets……….she doesn’t understand what I have become or what this life is about right now.

The reason i start to blog again

RITE HERE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A POST! bUTTTTTTTTT i AM CRYING!

PAMOJA AFRICA!

Pamoja Africa! This has become the cry of my heart….a cry justifiable, its not about little jars, black opal…a world with no parents …I am not crying about the fact that I drag my feet through the pavement of Nandos…as I stare at that terrace that had become home for me…I am not miserable that I cant sit there any more…I don’t want to sit there any more, I do not want to sit there with a different person………
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Any how I was telling you a year ago ,I took a flight…I took a flight because it was December…every body goes some where in December………
I went to Pamoja because I had to be some where……away from my family…away from work…away from my town…….
I did not know what it was about…all I knew is that I was about to meet over 3000 young people from all over Africa, they were going to be my family for a week or more….
I loved this thought ,It was cold when I arrived I remember…I started wishing I could get a flight back home…..but I had chosen to have my new years eve with 3000 people, people I didn’t even know…..
Any how it was all people …people…accents…Music….dress codes……..languages( we had people interpreting in all sorts of languages, at every corner of this huge tent… I could hear screams in Creole, French, German…..it was huge it was amazing…one of those things I still cant believe I was apart of …..i had never experienced anything like this in my entire life….i met Africa’s biggest brains…. I was inspired, I was mentored……………………………………………………………

Its been a year ….. a year since I left Pamoja….why am I writing this ? I never talked about it….( except to Phoebe not with the same intensity…..)
Why didn’t I ever talk about this experience that touched and changed my life
I chose to keet quiet…never wrote a single news paper article about it…………..
I met Russle and Jimbo at this conference…..they have become my very good friendz…………
I forgot because I walked into a world that opposed every little thing this conference stood for
I walked into a life of intellectuals who didn’t believe in God
I chose to compromise.,……………..
I remember Russell telling me to hold the faith ….sounded like some alien language now I know what he meant…..he told me to watch my “ mentor”
I Didn’t
For the first time in my entire life…..i notice ……I want to be every single thing…Bekele, Osteen, Sam and all of them stood for They never forced religion down my throat they forced…….reality……I thought it was too disguised…….they told me the truth the world hasn’t bothered to tell me …they told me the truth I never wanted to face! They told me the truth I run away from…they told me the truth I woke up to this morning!

I miss my gal

one , two ,three, four days......
i just cant stop counting each passing day
i notice each hour each minute......each.......
I have been trying to runaway ,to hide, to pretend like i just dont notice what the hell is running through my head
I am supposed to be strong,hard hearted,,
i am supposed to live like nothing is happening
Three days without stepping in the news room....
Three days without Nandos...
And i am supposed to pretend nothing is happening....
I feel like i am using up larger amounts of energy to live through each new day.
As i pretend to substitute her with an a new addiction.
Forcing my self to become the geek i never was
It just wont work i noticed today......
My Ipod has become an alien....i want to throw it away
With each song....i cry...
I cry not because i am sad but because i cant face the reality of my world empty in just one day
I cant cryany more , i cant sleep, i cant talk, i cant...i just cant........
Its not that i am hurt or that i miss her......
i do not know whats happening.......
More than ever...i need strength to walk my self to my room each evening
i watch the terrace we had made our home, dragging my feet i call up one of the boda-bodas
to carry me ..to carry me away from a world that might stare at me breaking apart
I do not know what to do....
i want to cry but i just cant, i want to yawn to a point of no return....i want to...........
i want to yell...yes i want to yell and i an goin to do just that.......I miss you!

The double spacing bug!

I do not know where i got this terrile bad habit
but its now starting to get to me
My editor Carol is definately not amused....
esspecially about my
come lately....convictions
to retrieve all my stories
and
de-single space them
Oh God i am so
tired.......
hellllllllllllllllllllllll
cant i just stop!

A terrible weekend...charting my course up!

So I have survived this semester of law school, almost! I just got thru with all the tests and course works? Exams…a week away. but it still feels good to have a shorter list of worries…, I just got thru with one thing ….good reason to celebrate….….I arrive home craving nothing more than sleep and several days of mind less-television and sit aways with my gal phoebe on the nandos terrace, of course not doing much…gossiping and commenting about just about any thing…you can only pray you skip our eyes !
Any how I had planned all this in advance set the weekend apart….Andrew was definitely out of the picture , since phoebe was what was making it any way( never thought we could ever have a compatible good hanging with the two of them together!)…Yep…sooooooo! …first my phone blacks out...my efforts to save e day went as far as me becoming part of Dj Momo z machine crew. The phone still refused to charge up…just a little for me to get a hold of phoebe…. I didn’t…..
any how bottom line is I got home…at 8..on a Friday …Strange!
I had to stand my Uncle steven ‘s incessant questions and my mother’s annoying references to “ my daughter, the budding lawyer”
But some where alone in the dark of my room I found my self smiling in tacit recognition of my week’s accomplishments… although the worst is only half over……..i am a survivor….whether I am any thing more than that will be determined by that piece of paper I receive mid…my next semester…..That’s…a little too far to worry me…. For now. I will just sit back and think about my flipping weekend………and where the hell my gal is..!.