PAMOJA AFRICA!

Pamoja Africa! This has become the cry of my heart….a cry justifiable, its not about little jars, black opal…a world with no parents …I am not crying about the fact that I drag my feet through the pavement of Nandos…as I stare at that terrace that had become home for me…I am not miserable that I cant sit there any more…I don’t want to sit there any more, I do not want to sit there with a different person………
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Any how I was telling you a year ago ,I took a flight…I took a flight because it was December…every body goes some where in December………
I went to Pamoja because I had to be some where……away from my family…away from work…away from my town…….
I did not know what it was about…all I knew is that I was about to meet over 3000 young people from all over Africa, they were going to be my family for a week or more….
I loved this thought ,It was cold when I arrived I remember…I started wishing I could get a flight back home…..but I had chosen to have my new years eve with 3000 people, people I didn’t even know…..
Any how it was all people …people…accents…Music….dress codes……..languages( we had people interpreting in all sorts of languages, at every corner of this huge tent… I could hear screams in Creole, French, German…..it was huge it was amazing…one of those things I still cant believe I was apart of …..i had never experienced anything like this in my entire life….i met Africa’s biggest brains…. I was inspired, I was mentored……………………………………………………………

Its been a year ….. a year since I left Pamoja….why am I writing this ? I never talked about it….( except to Phoebe not with the same intensity…..)
Why didn’t I ever talk about this experience that touched and changed my life
I chose to keet quiet…never wrote a single news paper article about it…………..
I met Russle and Jimbo at this conference…..they have become my very good friendz…………
I forgot because I walked into a world that opposed every little thing this conference stood for
I walked into a life of intellectuals who didn’t believe in God
I chose to compromise.,……………..
I remember Russell telling me to hold the faith ….sounded like some alien language now I know what he meant…..he told me to watch my “ mentor”
I Didn’t
For the first time in my entire life…..i notice ……I want to be every single thing…Bekele, Osteen, Sam and all of them stood for They never forced religion down my throat they forced…….reality……I thought it was too disguised…….they told me the truth the world hasn’t bothered to tell me …they told me the truth I never wanted to face! They told me the truth I run away from…they told me the truth I woke up to this morning!

I miss my gal

one , two ,three, four days......
i just cant stop counting each passing day
i notice each hour each minute......each.......
I have been trying to runaway ,to hide, to pretend like i just dont notice what the hell is running through my head
I am supposed to be strong,hard hearted,,
i am supposed to live like nothing is happening
Three days without stepping in the news room....
Three days without Nandos...
And i am supposed to pretend nothing is happening....
I feel like i am using up larger amounts of energy to live through each new day.
As i pretend to substitute her with an a new addiction.
Forcing my self to become the geek i never was
It just wont work i noticed today......
My Ipod has become an alien....i want to throw it away
With each song....i cry...
I cry not because i am sad but because i cant face the reality of my world empty in just one day
I cant cryany more , i cant sleep, i cant talk, i cant...i just cant........
Its not that i am hurt or that i miss her......
i do not know whats happening.......
More than ever...i need strength to walk my self to my room each evening
i watch the terrace we had made our home, dragging my feet i call up one of the boda-bodas
to carry me ..to carry me away from a world that might stare at me breaking apart
I do not know what to do....
i want to cry but i just cant, i want to yawn to a point of no return....i want to...........
i want to yell...yes i want to yell and i an goin to do just that.......I miss you!